Best Buds
by wouldtheywriteasongforyou
Summary: "For the last time, Mr. Black, you cannot grow plants with psychedelic properties on Hogwarts grounds, and you especially cannot be growing them in the Herbology greenhouses!" "Wasn't me!" the school's notorious troublemaker shouts back. There's an odd sort of shuffle-thumping and then Sirius pokes his head into the History of Magic classroom. "A little help here?" #blackinnon af


**Best Buds**

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"The legend of the Chamber of Secrets is the most enigmatic of all tales concerning the establishing of Hogwarts. When the four greatest witches and wizards of their age, Godric Gryffindor, Helga Hufflepuff, Rowena Ravenclaw, and Salazar Slytherin, came together to establish a school for those with magical abilities, it was logical that they chose a location far away from the eyes of non-magical people due to the climate of persecution prevalent at that time. Records show that the Hogwarts founders worked together for several years…"

Marlene fights to keep her attention on the lecture but holy rusty cauldrons does Professor Binns make it hard to stay awake. He's literally reading from Hogwarts: A History, which makes her all sorts of mad because she could read a textbook herself perfectly well, thank you very much without needing to waste her time here. Plus, she's got the munchies and a craving for the pumpkin spice treacle tart that the kitchen elves just added to the menu rotation.

A quick survey around the classroom proves that she's not the only one who has zoned out: Amelia is making enchanted paper cranes that flutter out the open window and James is snickering as he makes a game of tossing cockroach clusters into Peter's snoring mouth. Even Lily isn't paying attention to the lesson. Marlene does a double-take at that.

"Lily," she whispers as she leans over into her friend's deskspace. "What're you doing?"

Lily flushes and quickly angles her body so that Marlene's view is obstructed from seeing the paper on her desk. "Nothing," she says.

Marlene makes a face. "Okaaaaaaay," she says with a healthy amount of skepticism. Too bad for Lily that Marlene has perfect 20/20 vision, even with all of Lily's massive red hair in the way. "What's MASH?"

"Oh my God, keep your voice down!" Lily hisses in a much louder voice than she probably intended. Her eyes dart in James's direction to see if he noticed before flicking back to Marlene. She continues speaking but her words are lost in a commotion that's going on outside of the classroom.

Marlene perks up at the interruption, which is so much more interesting than Professor Binns debating with himself out loud whether or not the Chamber of Secrets actually exists or Lily's ongoing saga of will-she-admit-that-she-likes-James-or-not. She can't really tell what's going on beyond a strange sort of crashing and portraits yelling. And that maybe it's coming closer? She stretches her neck to see if she can get a glimpse of whatever it is outside the classroom door.

"-for the last time, Mr. Black, you cannot grow plants with psychedelic properties on Hogwarts grounds, and you especially cannot be growing them in the Herbology greenhouses!"

"Wasn't me!" the school's notorious troublemaker shouts back. There's an odd sort of shuffle-thumping and then not two seconds later, Sirius pokes his head into the History of Magic classroom. "A little help here?" he asks, just a hair out of breath. He makes a funny gesture to his foot, which is stuffed in a hideous black medical boot. That's when Marlene remembers that Sirius had been hit by a bludger last Quidditch match. He was supposed to be on bedrest in the infirmary, which is why he hadn't been in class with the rest of the Gryffindors, but he'd clearly escaped that fate.

James is already out the door. Remus, to his credit, looks at Professor Binns and checks if he's paying attention before sneaking out.

"Black! Get back here!" a shrill voice yells from down the corridor.

"Go, we'll distract her," James says to Sirius before he and Remus disappear out of sight.

Sirius makes the shaka sign with his hand in response. "Thanks, man!" His eyes meet Marlene's through the ghostly silhouette of Professor Binns, who is still obliviously reciting the history of the Chamber of Secrets. "You owe me," Sirius mouths before hobbling off at full-speed in the opposite direction of the way James and Remus had gone.

There's a split-second of silence as the students try to process what they just saw. Concentration broken, Amelia's paper cranes are falling mid-flight randomly around the room. Rachel and Emmeline are whispering and giggling to each other while flipping their hair. Other students react by shrugging and going back to doodling or daydreaming. By Year Five, they're all a little desensitized to the Marauders' dramatics. Peter, bless his soul, is still asleep.

"You owe him?" Lily asks. As someone with a sixth sense for detecting shenanigans, she'd clearly caught the quick exchange between Sirius and Marlene before he'd stumbled off in that ridiculous boot of his. "What does that mean?"

"I'll tell you if you tell me whether that MASH game of yours said that you'd end up marrying James and having ten kids," Marlene responds. "Hey, if Binns asks where I am, tell him I went to the bathroom."

She makes sure her lighter is in her pocket before she slinks out of class to meet up with Sirius at their favorite smoking spot. She knows exactly what she owes him, but hey, one of her best joints for free is probably the least she can do for him in return for him keeping the professors from suspecting that it's her who is actually Hogwarts' underground pot dealer.

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_author's note: excerpt about the chamber of secrets is cited directly from Hogwarts: A History. story idea came from the reddit thread "how did your parents meet?" a 420 fic was not exactly what I thought I'd be writing after a couple years' hiatus but whatever, I don't make the rules._


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